NOTES: A very, very old text seemingly dating back to the Alessian Empire, built so much on conjecture and “what ifs” that many readers would come to the conclusion that this is an unsanctioned piece of religious dogma. Take from it what you will. There is the possibility this has been added to over the centuries, though there is no mention of additional authors. I ask readers to question the sanity of the author(s), the sheer amount of exclamation should help.
Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon! Or The Profane Hypothetical Abuse of Our Lord Akatosh
By Alastair
If you should come across the extremely rare sight of a dragon slumbering soundly in its mountainous lair, would you walk up to it and irritate it? No! Doing so would lead to many different possible outcomes, all of which you would come to harm!
Why, then, would anyone even entertain the idea of abusing the almighty power of the father of all dragons, Our Lord Akatosh? If rousing his earthly children would end badly, imagine the great harm that comes with the tampering of Our Lord’s sphere!
Listed below, I give you the dangers of irritating with Our Lord Akatosh.
TIME TRAVEL
So far, this has never been attempted, and for good reason!
Have you ever wanted to see the gods walk the earth? Or see the wonders of technologies not yet come to fruition? Or maybe you want to see the outcomes of a few fights, then place a large sum of gold on the winner?
Profane! Such ideas bring a teardrop and a scowl to the face of Our Lord Akatosh! Especially the sin of gambling! When you travel the streams of time, you warp the linearity of time itself! While you seemingly exist in the time of your choosing, your essence remains where you began! You become a metaphysical strand of Nibenese pasta, though the application of tomatoes and herbs wouldn’t make the experience better! You will experience a shattering of the mind! The reality of existing in some way in two places in time is too much for your very being to handle and the damage is done to the soul itself! You will be reduced to a screaming madman, yelling things that have yet to come to pass, thus enforcing your insane presence for all time!
Forcing yourself through the thick fortifications and laws that reinforce the domain of Our Lord Akatosh damages Our Lord the same! They are the fiber of his being and you will have made a hole in it!
See the low hanging dry branch crack as it cracks the jaw of the unwary carriage driver!
INVOKING THE ESSENCE OF SHOR
Akatosh and Shor! Auriel and Lorkhan! Mortal foes since before time!
In our times, the application of the chaos of creativity fits in with the stable logical order of our world, another thing that should not be tampered with, if tampering with that is even possible with the power of a divine, let alone mortal!
In the beginning times, Our Lord Akatosh brought down his foe and removed him from the world! Such is the will of the father of dragons! An act irrevocably chiselled in the stone of the existence of the world! To meddle with the essence of the Missing Twin to bring change to yourself or the will of Our Lord is an aberration in the eyes of Our Lord!
The very sight of Shor brings a frown to Our Lord’s otherwise pleasant smile!
THE WORD OF ROYALTY: INVOKES BOTH ANGER AND ILL MIND IN OUR LORD
CHANGING OUR LORD’S IDENTITY
Our Beloved Lord Akatosh is the king of Aldmeris Old, though there are many who bow their heads in shame and spit at the ground at such a notion! But reality comes with harsh truths! If our wise and intelligent empress Alesh, queen of slaves is at peace with the notion, we must also be!
The idea of rending Our Lord in twain for the vanity of Man harms Our Lord’s very existence! Such a ritual would shatter Our Lord’s mind completely! COMPLETELY!
Our Lord would be in such a sorry state of mind he could, say, put complete trust and power into a screaming chronic fornicator!
Is this the future you want for our beloved world? No! A madman with the blessing of Our Lord Akatosh would bring about much conflict!
BLESSED BE AKATOSH!
BLESSED BE AKATOSH AND ALL THE DIVINES!